Picture Post!

Just some pictures for fun :)... because I like pictures

Below: Me and Ben- my husband and best friend :D

Friends from church - Katie (my sister-in-law), Sarah, Beth, and I at Christmastime

School best friends!!! Lyndsay, me, Kylee, Liz, Val, and Abbey- at our homecoming

Sisters... me, Kelly, Nikki, and Brianna for Nate and Kelly's wedding :)

Our other darling sister... Tiffy. I love this picture because it shows her tomboy-ness.. haha, playing with worms!!Karly, my RA last year :)

A1E! Oh, how I loved this hall. Me, Amanda, Baily (my awesome roommate), Alisha, and Brittany

High school BFFS... Jessica, Laura, and me... freshman year of college. My very favorite wedding picture :)

FRENCH

French may be the death of me... I'm in my final semester (as an English major we're required to take four semesters of a language). Now, I really don't know why I decided to take French. I took three years of Spanish in high school, so clearly, that would have been the smarter choice. Now I just confuse myself because I always think tiene in French means "to have" (or he/she/it has), but clearly that is its Spanish meaning, and in French it means "holds." Anyways, for some reason I thought that French may be helpful to know (but now I'm English Ed, and in all the schools around here there's at least 30% Hispanic so I don't think speaking to these students in French is going to be very helpful)... I don't know... incase I end up in Cote d'Ivoire for the rest of my life, you know? Or Canada. But I am fascinated by languages; I just hate being graded on it, and I have no idea how I've made it through 3 semesters of French while take 15 other credits. It's ridiculous. I bow down to all language majors. I also think they're all crazy.

So, even though I am counting down the chapters until I'm done with French (only 8 more left!!!!), and I really do sometimes think it might be the death of me (becuase it never allows me to sleep), and I do get frustrated because I sometimes/often think "WHEN WILL I EVER USE THIS?!?!", I know it's been good for me. I was observing in a classroom last semester, and the students had to write a short essay, and they were timed. A Hispanic girl was in the classroom, and she knew limited English, and I could 100% put myself in her shoes. It's also really helped me to understand people who struggle with school. I have worked my butt off in this class... um, I have cried over this class... and basically, I have realized how blessed I am that school usually comes easy for me. Learning another language is completely humbling. It's also AWESOME to think that a year and half ago I knew NOTHING in French... I mean, I knew bonjour and oui, but I thought "oui" was spelled "wi"... no joke! And now I can carry a somewhat unintelligent, confusing 4-year old conversation. It's very exciting.

Today History is Made

Today a new president has taken office. In being our first black president, Barack Obama makes history.

I am watching a special on him and today's events right now. And something hit me. Today really IS a very special and very important day to sooo many people. Throughout the whole election process, I always got somewhat annoyed when people talked about "history being made" if he was voted, and I was frustrated when black people were interviewed over and over explaining how important this all was. I thought, "Oh, all these people are just voting for him because he's black which is stupid because it would be wrong if I did that as a white person." But I realized something as I was watching the special tonight. (First, let me mention that I know not all of these people voted for him simply because of his skin color). BUT I do think there are plenty of black people that voted for Obama partly because of his skin, and I realized tonight that that's fair. I have NO clue what it's like to be in the minority. I have been so blessed to live in the most wealthy nation and to be born as the dominant race in this most wealthy country. Even though I was still unborn at the time, it was really not that long ago when black people were fighting for their rights and being so wrongly treated. I put myself in their shoes tonight and realized if I had a history... many, many family members... who had been treated in this way, I would see today as the most important day in history. I have no idea what the next four years will bring, but I can honestly say that I am thankful to live in a country where people are slowly learning to look beyond race. And I am happy for what this means to so, so many of my black brothers and sisters today.

I know God called us to live beyond the color of our skin, and I'm sad that something so silly as our color has caused so much hatred.

Popularity, People Pleaser

Popularity. This is something I've struggled with since... at least middle school. I always want to be popular. I'm not sure why. I think some of it has to do with the fact that I am a people pleaser. I want people to like me, and I want to be a nice person. But it goes beyond this. I really do want people to like me, but I especially want the RIGHT people to like me... the people that will make me... well, popular. When I think back on my life, I can see how this desire has easily influenced a lot of things and a lot of friendships. In middle school, it basically made my life awful. I cared way too much about being friends with certain people, that I think I sometimes sacrificed true friendships and tried too hard at friendships that were shallow. When I moved to Indiana, I immediately knew I wanted to be friends with the popular kids. My school in Indiana was nothing like my school in Pennsylvania. People were SO nice here, especially in 8th grade, and I easily made friends... including with the popular kids. But I realize if I hadn't cared about being popular, I might not have made friends with these people. I'm glad I did because some of them were the most amazing people... and wonderful Christians. But I know popularity affected my decision on who my closest friends would be. I don't think I've cared as much about popularity in college because it's so different, but I know that "part" of me is definitely still evident. I'm still a people pleaser. I still try to become friends with way more people than I have time for (I've been learning a lot about why Jesus only had 12 disciples and not 100!!!), and I know there's a part of me that would love to be voted homecoming queen next year. And I think about it and wonder why? Why does it matter how I am associated? Why does it matter if I am popular? What have I sacrificed to hold that position? How do I change that ridiculous desire in me?

I know that God has blessed me through this weekness of mine though. He has brought the right kind of popular people in my life. I fear what my life would be like now if my family had stayed in PA. Thankfully, the popular friends he provided me with here in Indiana have been ones who love the Lord. God has been so good. I can't count the number of times he has saved me from going down the wrong path.

I'm fascinated whenever I meet beautiful people in college who I find out were not popular in high school... and I realize it's because they just didn't care. They didn't need that association. They still don't need it now in college. I think I'm good at hiding this desire in me, but I know it's there even if others don't, and I wish I could be like my friends who just don't care. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to "not care," but I'm at least working on not making it such a pivotal part of my life. My relationships should be based on God, on love, on similarities, and on caring... not on popularity.

Reflecting on the past...

So I've been thinking about my past mission trips as I think about IF Ben and I did go into missions, where would I want to go? Of course, this is a decision we would make together, but as I'm the thinker and he's not... I'm sure he's not even thinking about this right now as we're not going anywhere at least for the next two years (finishing school and stuff blah blah blah). So anyway, I've been on three mission trips. The first one was in 2005 with Operation Barnabas. It was an in-country mission trip, and my team travelled to Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and Iowa. From it, I learned that I don't think church ministry is my passion. If I was involved in church ministry, I would definitely want to help with the youth group. I love teenagers!

In 2006, I went with Teen Missions International to Malawi, Africa. This was definitely the best summer of my life. I can't say that I feel called to Africa for life (although I'm open to it), but Africa is truly an amazing place. They have so many corrupt things about them (although Malawi is generally one of the better African countries... we did see some Spirit worshipping though)... but the people are just so content and happy. I loved hearing them sing more than anything else. I also could not believe how generous they were in letting us do things before them, when things such as getting water was their LIFE. It's so sad how many orphans are in Malawi, and in Africa in general. AIDS is just wiping out their population.


In 2007, I went to Wales in the UK. I've always been interested in going here because I have family from this country. It's a beautiful, beautiful country.... but also a very lost place. I would assume it's pretty close to the US, but the people I met there who were Christians had a distorted view of what being a Christian meant. Sooo many people have messed up families because of drugs and divorse. The lady below had gotten into some really bad things, and so I met her at Save the Family, an organization we worked with in Wales. They help save families who have fallen apart from things like drugs. Isn't her daughter adorable? She loved her more than anything. My heart was broken for these people, but I don't know.... I'm not sure how to reach them. It's such a challenge.

There are so many things I can do and so many places I can go. If Ben and I go into missions, I would love for him to be able to use his construction knowledge. He's so good at it. I'm really interested in human and sex trafficking and think it would be amazing to help out victims of this (but also very hard).

Well, that's all my rambling. btw, it's been snowing ALL morning. Please let it GO AWAY!

Plans, plans, plans

So first, before plans, I want to talk about tonight. Ben and I recently joined a small group with our church (as in last week... so this was our second week). We started going to this church a few months ago and thought it would be good to get to know people. Tonight they invited a couple who are planning to be missionaries with New Tribes in PNG (Papau New Guniea), and I always think it's inspiring to hear from missionaries. I don't really think I feel called to missions like New Tribe missions... not that God can't change my heart, but I don't think those are mine and Ben's passions... but I still think it's amazing what God is doing through that ministry... I mean... people going to a tribe that has never truly heard of Christ and sharing the message... so powerful!!! Okay, that was just a side note... onto what I came on here to write about...

Last night I went with Ben's sister Becca to see Marley & Me. Now I'm not really a dog person (I don't like things that jump up on me and have nasty breath), but the movie was good. The thing I got from it the most is that it's okay for our plans to be changed. The main lady in the film says at one point (and this is not an exact quote), "None of this was in my plans!! But I wouldn't change it for the world." (referring to the fact that she has 3 children, a crazy dog, and is a stay-at-home mom living in Philadelphia). I loved this. I have a problem, I admit. I make plans way too much. I want to plan my life, and I don't know how to stop. At this point, I'm at a crossroads. Ben is working construction, and I'm a major in English Education. So, we could live here our whole life, him working construction and me teaching in a high school. And I like that life. For the most part. I think I would enjoy it. But then I have this other huge passion which is missions and reaching out to those who have less than us or who have been treated wrongly, in countries other than America in particular. And, honestly, I have no idea which one my life will choose. I don't know where I will be in 10 years. I can see myself in both. There are pros and cons to both. On top of all this, I wonder and try to figure out where children will fit in. And truly, I want to follow God... but I also want to plan, and it's so hard to make myself stop planning. The movie was a good reminder though that it's okay. Things will be fine even if I my life goes completely different than I imagine or plan. Because I believe in God, I can trust this even more... the way my life goes is completely in God's control, and I am so thankful that I know he has plans to prosper me and not harm me... so I will be okay. :)

reviving the account

So a friend of mine (one who I haven't seen in 7 years but would still very much consider a friend) is going to Uganda, and she sent me her blogspot as a way to keep in touch with her. I remembered then that a long time ago I had started a blogspot. So I tried to sign it, and what do you know?... I did have a blogspot! The only one I had left was one for Operation Barnabas... a mission trip I had went on... and it was pretty pathetic. It was just a way to talk with other people on the trip, and I didn't write down any true feelings. So, I deleted it. But then blogspot told me that I should create a new blog, and I listened of course. So here we are. The revival of my blogspot. I'm not sure how great I will be at writing here, especially once school starts again, but I will try.