Senior Year, Here I Come!!

Wow... a senior in college? What?! That means LIFE and OLDNESS begins soon! It's really incredible to think t.hat I am almost done with college already. And yet, I still am so indecisive about what I will do with my life. Let me just say that I officially changed my major BACK a few days ago. Yes, a year ago I added education to my English major meaning I wanted to be a teacher or at least have the right to be a teacher. I took lots of [boring] ed. classes last year, observed some off hours, talked about being a teacher, and so on. And all of that came to a few weeks ago with me thinking and praying and realizing I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER!! What was I thinking? I quickly researched classes and realized I could get all of the mission classes in for the mission minor so now I am back to being an English major with a mission minor as I was to begin with. The exciting this is that the ed. program made it so that I had to go an extra semester, but now I am back to graduating in May which is super exciting to me. And I don't have to student teach which I was absolutely dreading.
I think teaching was something I added because it was safe. It's a job I knew I could count on and "English Education" is a major you can tell someone you're studying and they don't ask, "What do you want to do with that??" Now English with a missions minor, on the other hand, causes lots of questions. But I remembered the other week that I need to get over caring with other people think. I also realized that I was "glorifying" teaching. "Glorifying" is something many girls do with boyfriends... they pick out only the good parts and dwell on those and make a guy into someone he's not just to justify staying with him. I think I did this with teaching as I just felt that I NEEDED to get my teaching degree. But YUCK... no way do I want to teach in a traditional classroom full-time.
Ultimately, I want to be a missionary. I want to serve Christ with my life far more than teaching would allow me to. I know people say, "You can serve God anywhere," and truly you can. But let's be honest. Public school systems and the government have lots of rules against even mentioning God's name in school, so most likely I would spend 7 hours of my day not being able to mention, let alone change the world, for the God I love and long to use my life serving.
I really think God is calling Ben and I to be missionaries. I know God is always changing us, molding us, and guiding us in life, but at this point, Ben and I are strongly thinking of tribal missions with an organization like New Tribes, perhaps.
I'm not sure if I ever mentioned on here that Ben and I almost built a house... we had almost everything done and ready for us to have a house built- we had picked out everything for the house, found a neighborhood, etc. Man, I just can't be thankful enough for God opening our eyes (through the book "Crazy Love " by Francis Chan) to the fact that this was not his plan for us. I honestly get a little sick to the stomach when I think about the "what ifs" of if Ben and I had a house being built right now. As fun as it would be to have our own house- esp. a NEW one... we would be stuck here at least for the next 5 years, but probably 10 years. Beyond that, I have been reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistable Revolution," and I know if I had a house being built I would feel incredible guilty that there are so many people starving and dying around the world while I sit in my comfortable house and go to my comfortable church and wear my comfortable clothes and fit in with every other person in the world except for the fact that I claim to love and follow a God who loves the poor and cares for the needy.
Let's just say this: God has been challenging just about everything I believe lately, and he has really been messing up my world and my life. It's exciting, but scary.