How He Loves Me

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and
I realize just how beautiful
You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when
I think about the way

That he loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

These lyrics are AMAZING! I just cannot get over this song. Everytime I hear it, I'm filled with more awe of God, and I "get it" so much more. This song is just beautiful. The words. The meaning. Everything. I love how figurative the language is and I think it describes it perfectly. I think everytime I hear this song I burst out in praise (and singing, usually in my car at the top of my lungs), and sometimes I cry.

A friend and I talked the other day about how some people claim that worship songs today are too much about "us" and not "Him," and that's why they don't like them. Well, I'm not a hater of either side just to put it out there. But I didn't think that was true. When I heard this song again today in chapel, I started thinking about it. This song is talking about how He loves US.... so it could definitely be taken that way (as in "this song is about me ") if you want to be cynical. But if you truly see the purpose behind the song and all of the imagery there is NO way that you can see that this way. This song is TOTALLY all about God. It's about how he loves us so much that it doesn't even make sense because he's so amazing and forever and perfect and we are so human and frail and sinful. But he is SO GREAT AND MERCRIFUL that he loves me anyway. No, this song is not about me. This song is all about God. All about how he has redeamed me, an undeserving person, and how THAT makes me worthy.

Sigh. What a beautiful message.

Silence

Sorry for the silence. I'm such an internal processor sometimes that I hate writing my thoughts until I'm sure of the "end result"... whether of an action, of my thoughts, or of something else. However, the problem is that I usually never get the end result without having another hurdle... thus, I never blog. Also, if I blog while I'm processing things still, I sometimes tend to sound harsh when I don't mean to (such as in my last post). I realize there is a need for Christians in the workforce, including as teachers... I'm so thankful for the Christian teachers I have had. I simply don't think that that is God's calling for my life, which is fine. I just have to be careful not to assume what God's calling is in other people's lives.

All that said, I recently began a new blog for both Ben and I. Instead of being more about my thoughts, it will be about our lives and what God is doing in us, through us... our journey. I figured people would appreciate it, especially if we head off to the missions field. I think we will be thankful for look back on it as well.

If you want to read it, go to my profile and click on the other blog - Millers with a Mission :) I wrote one post so far, but I'm sure it will get updated frequently along the way.

Senior Year, Here I Come!!

Wow... a senior in college? What?! That means LIFE and OLDNESS begins soon! It's really incredible to think t.hat I am almost done with college already. And yet, I still am so indecisive about what I will do with my life. Let me just say that I officially changed my major BACK a few days ago. Yes, a year ago I added education to my English major meaning I wanted to be a teacher or at least have the right to be a teacher. I took lots of [boring] ed. classes last year, observed some off hours, talked about being a teacher, and so on. And all of that came to a few weeks ago with me thinking and praying and realizing I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER!! What was I thinking? I quickly researched classes and realized I could get all of the mission classes in for the mission minor so now I am back to being an English major with a mission minor as I was to begin with. The exciting this is that the ed. program made it so that I had to go an extra semester, but now I am back to graduating in May which is super exciting to me. And I don't have to student teach which I was absolutely dreading.
I think teaching was something I added because it was safe. It's a job I knew I could count on and "English Education" is a major you can tell someone you're studying and they don't ask, "What do you want to do with that??" Now English with a missions minor, on the other hand, causes lots of questions. But I remembered the other week that I need to get over caring with other people think. I also realized that I was "glorifying" teaching. "Glorifying" is something many girls do with boyfriends... they pick out only the good parts and dwell on those and make a guy into someone he's not just to justify staying with him. I think I did this with teaching as I just felt that I NEEDED to get my teaching degree. But YUCK... no way do I want to teach in a traditional classroom full-time.
Ultimately, I want to be a missionary. I want to serve Christ with my life far more than teaching would allow me to. I know people say, "You can serve God anywhere," and truly you can. But let's be honest. Public school systems and the government have lots of rules against even mentioning God's name in school, so most likely I would spend 7 hours of my day not being able to mention, let alone change the world, for the God I love and long to use my life serving.
I really think God is calling Ben and I to be missionaries. I know God is always changing us, molding us, and guiding us in life, but at this point, Ben and I are strongly thinking of tribal missions with an organization like New Tribes, perhaps.
I'm not sure if I ever mentioned on here that Ben and I almost built a house... we had almost everything done and ready for us to have a house built- we had picked out everything for the house, found a neighborhood, etc. Man, I just can't be thankful enough for God opening our eyes (through the book "Crazy Love " by Francis Chan) to the fact that this was not his plan for us. I honestly get a little sick to the stomach when I think about the "what ifs" of if Ben and I had a house being built right now. As fun as it would be to have our own house- esp. a NEW one... we would be stuck here at least for the next 5 years, but probably 10 years. Beyond that, I have been reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistable Revolution," and I know if I had a house being built I would feel incredible guilty that there are so many people starving and dying around the world while I sit in my comfortable house and go to my comfortable church and wear my comfortable clothes and fit in with every other person in the world except for the fact that I claim to love and follow a God who loves the poor and cares for the needy.
Let's just say this: God has been challenging just about everything I believe lately, and he has really been messing up my world and my life. It's exciting, but scary.

I'm ready...

First. I stink at blogs.

Second. I'm enjoying summer but it is definitely going waayyyyy too fast. And the weather has not made it feel like summer which is a bummer.

Third. Going camping this weekend. Can't wait. I love camping.

Finally. I'm ready... ready to be done with college to do other things... I'm enjoying "right now," but I just feel stuck.

Coltin

My cousin Coltin was in a terrible car accident on Good Friday- on the 10th of April. 3 weeks ago. He is 16- he was hit on his side. I received a call from my mom while I was home "Alisha, did you hear?" She was in FL on spring break, but I kinda thought she was calling about something stupid to be honest. "No" I say. She replies "Your cousin Coltin has been in a terrible accident. Your uncle is on his way. We don't know anything. They won't even tell him if he's dead or alive." I've never had any family under the age of 90 die in my life. I think these were the scariest words I may have ever heard. I raced to the hospital... he was alive. For days we didn't know if he was going to make it. He was unconscious, and things looked bad.

People prayed. People prayed. People prayed.

Fastforward: Today. He opens his eyes. He moves around. He TALKS. He can WALK with help. He REMEMBERS. He has little or no brain damage.

And all I can say is PRAISE GOD!!!

And why? I really truly believe it's because people prayed. And some people didn't just pray the way I do--- where I take 2 minutes to pray hard for him and do nothing else, but then the rest of the time during the day that I pray for him is inbetween things or while I'm doing something else (don't get me wrong- I think God totally listens to these prayers too)-- but some people PRAYED. They prayed for hours and hours and hours straight without stopping. THAT and God's SOVEREINTY is what healed him.

I know I have a lot of bolds, but that's because this has been an exciting process. Truly, there are people who were in the exact same situation as him that died. He didn't wake up for an entire week! They thought at some points that he may have severe brain damage for the rest of his life. But yet, he is clearly on his way right now to a full recovery. I love nothing more than seeing God fully at work. To see God's hand in something. There's no other way to explain Coltin's situation, and I truly hope everyone who sees it will see it as just that.

Even if he had died, I know God would have been sovereign. There were truly points at first when I came grips to this truth because we just didn't know. But MAN I'm so so glad that God has chosen to answer man's prayer in this way. So glad to see Coltin with breath and life still :)

That has been my life lately.

Blessed-- vs. Suffering

So I've been thinking a lot about the subject of blessings lately as I feel like God has been blessing me. I've gotten both of the jobs I wanted for this summer/next school year and feel like that is a HUGE blessing, especially in this economy. They're also leadership-type jobs, and I feel like I am constantly being blessed with getting leadership positions. I have this AMAZING scholarship that I don't even know how I earned ... I mean, besides the fact that God loves me and must want to do something amazing with me (which scares me because how can I be amazing? Such responsibility!), I have a great and caring husband, I have a good family who brought me up well (and good in-laws), I have been able to travel the world, I have a computer and TV, I have a house, I have been attending school for 16 years now (something very few people in this world ever have the chance to do), I have a closet full of clothes and a pantry full of food, I have a car, and I have around six Bibles in my house. I could go on and on, but these things alone set me apart from most of the world in being one of the most privileged and blessed. And sometimes... a lot of times... I just wonder WHY? And a lot of times... I think "Well, God must want to USE me."
But this is where it all gets sticky with me. You see, USE ME... to me... seems like I should be in some third world country serving him. And to be quite honest, I love third-world countries and would have no problem living in one. But sometimes I don't really think that's where God wants me. He's given me such a gift for mentoring-type relationships and a passion for youth, and maybe I'm supposed to use that here in the U.S. to help raise up the next generation.
But then I think about when I went to Africa. Honestly, I would say I was closest to God during that summer. And when I think about all of the times in general when I was closest to God, they were a result of suffering (if you could even call it that) or going through tougher times in my life. I long for those times when I feel closest to God even if it means being in an unfamiliar place, but I wonder if I'm just doing it all wrong. I mean, if I really think that God wants me here in the U.S., and if I continue being blessed here, how do I feel as close to God as I do when I'm suffering? Is it wrong not to "feel close" if I am still spending time with him daily? I mean, how much should our "feelings" play into our relationship with God? And if I'm not suffering, is it wrong? Should I have daily sufferings as a result of living a full sold-out-for-God life?

I know this is a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. Because I don't have them. I just need to write down what I'm thinking. I just look in the Bible at the people I respect the most and I see how a lot of them suffered so much... but yet... well- I'm going to stop there.

SPRING BREAK!

Time just goes so fast.... But I'm excited because my Spring Break starts TODAY!!! Oh, how I needed this break. Now, I have this long list of things I hope to get done over break- mostly school things because I'm somewhat of a nerd like that. I probably will only accomplish half of my list through, if that. I always have high expectations for breaks and then before I know it the break is gone. I have lots of friends going to fun places and warm places. Right now, I think it would be wonderful to be in FL rather than cold, flooding Indiana. However, I never can relax very well over Spring Break because I have all these big projects and tests looming over me. Therefore, Ben and I are going to FL in May which will be much more fun probably. I can't believe by then I will be a senior!! Man, college flew by. Speaking over Senior year, I had my whole schedule figured out - I did that at the beginning of this year when I decided to add Education to my major last minute. I went online last night just to check my schedule one last time and make sure all the classes were the same time, and GO FIGURE... one of my ed classes has changed times and it doesn't even fit in my schedule now. I don't really know what I'm going to do about it, but I've learned to just not worry about it. That's my advisor's job :). That is probably the one thing I would change about Grace College if I could change anything- make them stop changing when they offer classes all the time!! I've had to re-figure my schedule so many times since I've been at Grace. Also, because I'm ridiculous and added Ed my junior year, I have to go an extra semester. Sometimes this bugs me, but I know in the end I will be glad I did it.

Hmm, well I don't really have anything else. My brain has shut off today considering Spring Break has started, so I don't have any profound thoughts.